Category: The Adult

“He does not climb on chairs in order to sit on them, but just for the sake of climbing.”

Meandering through a day-to-day existence of “to do lists” and “purpose-driven activity” how much time can we set aside for “doing” for the sake of “doing” or “being” for the sake of “being”?

The last few weeks have been filled with the usual busy-ness of things to accomplish, but I’ve made some changes that are healing my heart and allowing me to breathe a little easier.  Being a teacher to my core, I want to share what I’ve been “learning” in hopes that there might be a little tidbit or two that would lift you up this spring.

1. Love Your Feral Feline

As funny as this may seem, I found LYFF as a solution to a big problem we have had this winter: mice and pack rats EVERYWHERE! They’ve been making a mess under our macadamia nut trees and getting to the nuts faster than I can, but when they started to find their way to our attic, I needed a solution. Voila! A couple of feral felines.

These rescued felines have brought more joy than I’d ever imagined. No, they will never be indoor or lap kitties, but they are still showing the love. Our Mr. Burrow, aptly named for his antics rearranging his temporary cage and hiding under the blankets with just a little peak out to make sure we were minding out own business, brought us a gift lizard within 24 hours of his freedom. Thank you, Mr. B! Nothing says I love you quite like this!

Kidding aside, the feral kitties are reminding me that they have their very own way of connecting to us. It’s not like a pet exactly, but they can show their love, too! They remind me that having specific expectations and desires (for our children, our students, our relationships) can keep us from receiving their “gifts freely given.”

2. Plant a tiny garden.

When a new visitor to our home remarked that I love plants, I was a little surprised. I’ve gotten so used to their being everywhere, I’d become desensitized to how they fill every room with life. Springtime, even in Southern California, is the time to get new plants going, so our curiosity about creating permaculture around our avocadoes has us both pulling on the garden gloves and opening up new spaces.  With my new little garden space, I’ve gained daily “30-minutes-at-a-time” relief from hours at the computer, a few sore muscles that needed waking up, and the pleasure of new fruits, veggies, and flowers soon to arrive.

 Every day is an opportunity to invest a few minutes toward the future. Just this morning, I placed 6 catnip plants into an area where I spied Mr. Burrow stalking the birds who were way too quick for him. I’m hoping these plants will spread like their mint counterparts and fill the space so he and Violet, our other super-shy feral feline, can roll themselves into herbal bliss.  

These rescued felines have brought more joy than I’d ever imagined. No, they will never be indoor or lap kitties, but they are still showing the love. Our Mr. Burrow, aptly named for his antics rearranging his temporary cage and hiding under the blankets with just a little peak out to make sure we were minding out own business, brought us a gift lizard within 24 hours of his freedom. Thank you, Mr. B! Nothing says I love you quite like this!

Kidding aside, the feral kitties are reminding me that they have their very own way of connecting to us. It’s not like a pet exactly, but they can show their love, too! They remind me that having specific expectations and desires (for our children, our students, our relationships) can keep us from receiving their “gifts freely given.”

3. Naptime for grown-ups…take a midday rest break.

When I was still spending my days at school, I learned to take a midday break by walking up and down the hill nearby, visiting the tiny park on the corner, or simply pausing to sit with the preschoolers at play.

 Now that I’m “retired” and spending most of my hours at home behind a computer, I still remind myself (with a timer if needed) that taking breaks to step away from the thoughts, the screen, and the to-do-lists rejuvenates my brain and lightens my soul. Sometimes that little break can just be stepping outside the room or shifting to my knitting for a few minutes.

 Dr. Montessori reminds us:  “The child gives us a beautiful lesson – that in order to form and maintain our intelligence, we must use our hands.”[1]  Spending time with handwork is much more than a physical break or channel change: it’s a change in our brain brought about by a very different kind of mental activity.

4. Learn something new…just for the sake of learning.

Connect with the experience of “new” learning!  But don’t be surprised if learning something new turns out to be more of a challenge than a gift. When the pandemic caused so many of us to shift our lives around, what new learning did you face? Were you frustrated? Scared? Exhausted? Learning all the new things and making those adjustments were tough for many.

The upside, when we choose to put ourselves in the context our students face every day, is that we can gain insights to their experiences. A new perspective of how it feels to try and fail, or to persevere and eventually succeed can invigorate our belief in Learning for Life, the very motto of Montessori that lit an unexpected fire in me.

5. Do nothing…

Eckhardt Tolle reminds us that doing and thinking nothing can be as simple as asking ourselves if we have time to take one deep breath. We always do…and if we think we don’t, well, we definitely need to do some learning!

Doing nothing, stopping my thoughts, was much harder, but E.T. offered a great tip for this, too: Say to yourself, “I wonder what my next thought will be.” Try it! When you stay focused on wondering about what’s to come, you can really be free in the moment…a freedom that will rejuvenate you for your next joyful step into learning something new for your life!

[1]  The 1946 London Lectures, pg. 153.

“The purpose of life is to obey the hidden command
which ensures harmony among all and creates an ever better world.”

“I’ve had enough!”

“I can’t take this anymore.”

“Something has got to change, or I’m outta here!”

Ever felt this way? Said those words? C’mon admit it! Haven’t we all…. at one time or another?

This spring, I’ve heard some variation of these sentiments from more than one or two of my friends or mentees. Some are on the receiving end of the words; others are feeling this way themselves. Me, too!

Each time a relationship challenge finds its way to my door, I try to listen between the words of the story. I do my best to practice deep listening.

What’s “deep listening”?

Is it different from regular listening? In my mind, “regular” listening is often not really listening at all. Many folks, when listening, are already thinking of what they want to say in response. They are feeling their own feelings without being aware of them; not realizing that they stopped moments or minutes before to begin forming the words that will come out as soon as there’s a pause. Once a reply is forthcoming, the words may carry advice, criticism, or commiseration…none of which really helps in moving toward resolution of the conflict.

Conflict.

That word may strike fear in your heart. How many of us identify as conflict avoiders, or as lacking in skills to participate in purposeful conflict resolution? This is likely why Dr. Montessori’s quote for this week strikes a chord in my heart… “the hidden command which ensures harmony among all.”

I grew up in a home that was often filled with a great deal of love, fun, and true enjoyment of life. But in my home, that feel-good feeling could turn on a dime. There were the long periods of silence in which I experienced walking on eggshells, uncertain of which parent to turn to or how to ask for peace. This “little-t-trauma” had a big impact on my desire for peace. My own hidden desire for harmony showed up in countless ways.

In high school, shalom was my favorite word and I proclaimed it everywhere…on my notebooks, my lunchboxes, in my saying hello and goodbye. I longed for peace in an almost desperate way.

In my young adult years, I suffered silently when hurt crept in, sometimes consciously in conflict with my desire for peace when I sought ways to retaliate; ways to make the other person feel my pain.

By the time I was in my 30’s and 40’s, I’d fully embraced a victim mentality. I hopped into the “Drama Triangle” faster than the bunny chewing happily outside my window leaps into hiding at the sound of my husband working in the garden.

A Problem or an Opportunity?

I believe with all my heart that opportunities to gain skill toward achieving harmony and peace began to surface when I embraced a practice in Montessori education. With that education came clarity around my own need for peace and harmony, and what it would take to encourage more of them in my life.

I’m not a quick study: I’ve been working on it for more than 40 years. I’m still working and learning. Deep pain can take a long to time rise to the surface. But with each passing conflict, each passing hurt, I become more gracious, less fearful of an honest conversation, more greatly attuned to my relationships, and more effective in supporting those around me in finding their own harmonious resolutions.

The quote for this week does not end with creating an “ever-better world.” As she so often does, Dr. Montessori continues with a task for us to embrace:

“We are not created only to enjoy the world,

we are created in order to evolve the cosmos.”

So take time to recognize your own “hidden command” for achieving peace in your world. I encourage you to find gratitude for the challenging opportunities you face. For in them lie the BIG WORK of being a human who is evolving the cosmos…helping it to grow more peace-filled with each brave, harmonious effort you make.

“We must give him the means and encourage him. ‘Courage, my dear, courage!”

It was often a topic of conversation amongst my Montessori colleagues: at least part of the “means and encouragement” was to help the child find their voice. This included learning to speak in front of a group, learning to wait their turn when sharing in a circle, and learning how to express themselves when emotions ran high. I wish I had a nickel for every time I sat with two children who were working through a conflict or hurt feelings. Those hours were mostly well spent and taught me a lot about the value of communication.

My Own Lessons to Learn

Something that didn’t seem to transmit to my communication practice was how to manage my own need for courage in conflicts. For years, I slipped into feeling victimized in nearly any challenge. I made up stories about the intentions of the people whose words felt like accusations or brought up painful feelings. It took me a few years of effort to truly own my tendency to hop into the Victim – Blamer – Rescuer triangle…also known as the Karpman Drama Triangle.¹

This victim-y perspective was keeping me from finding my voice, except in those very close, most trusted relationships.

We must give him the means and encourage him. ‘Courage, my dear, courage! You are a new man that must adapt to this new world. Go on triumphantly. I am here to help you.’ This kind of encouragement is instinctive in those who love children.

Trauma to the Rescue

Fortunately, I had a wonderfully wise physician who recognized the tip of my trauma iceberg. I’d been carrying around a fear related to the near-loss of my mother for more than 50 years. Every time I went in for some minor health concern, Dr. X patiently did all the tests. She’d reassure me that I was healthy, and reaffirmed that it was a good idea to follow up on my concerns. Then, one day, in addition to her usual encouragement, she suggested I might want to add trauma therapy to my self-care regimen.  

Some 60 months later, I’m reaping the rewards of peeling off layers of hurt and replacing them with self-acceptance. I would never have guessed how that shift would result in the courage I’d find when I hopped into that drama triangle, still my personal path of least resistance.  I’m experiencing a more stable state-of-mind, and loving the gift of peace that finding my voice and using it appropriately  is bringing to how I handle the inevitable conflict and frustrations of normal life. 

I coach a lot of teachers these days. They have faced an overwhelming sense of dis-ease among the members of their communities. No one has escaped the trauma of an interrupted life and that interruption has intensified behaviors and the emotional reactions to all sorts of situations. 

With each shared concern, I find myself asking what is wanted: What outcome? What do you want others to know? What do you want to say?  That’s when the fear shows up. The challenge to finding one’s voice is real. “I don’t think I can say that.”  “I’m afraid of how they will react.” “They already seem so mean. I don’t know if I can take the chance.” 

One of my friends, having just experienced the unburdening of having had her own courageous conversation, said it best. “It’s already bad. How much worse could it be?”  

Indeed…and the possibility of the personal reward is totally worth it! 

¹  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle

It is necessary for the teacher to guide the child without letting him feel her presence too much
so that she may always be ready to supply the desired help,
but may never be the obstacle between the child and his experience.

Maria Montessori faced obstacles…many of them. She was a female at a time when women had few rights and few opportunities. She was passionate about science at a time when the greatest career goal for a woman was that of teacher…and in her early years, she adamantly designed NOT to become that.

She fell in love with and became pregnant by a man whose conservative family values forbid him to marry her. At the height of a career that had made her famous by age 30, this monumental obstacle might have meant the last we’d hear of Maria Montessori.¹

But Maria made a different choice for herself. She chose to remove the obstacles.

Obstacles are Not Without Significance

The obstacle of an unwanted pregnancy was not the last she would face. In fact, it might seem that the series of obstacles she overcame throughout the remainder of her life might have led Maria to different conclusions about persistence, perseverance, and transformation. Her writings show us that she valued all of these, especially the required transformation for being a successful devotee of her method.

Montessori viewed obstacles as a natural part of living, common to us all, and significant for growth and achievement. For Dr. Montessori, the key to achieving one’s potential was experience. Her observations, deeply influenced by her own obstacle-laden experiences, had shown her that sensory experiences were the true foundation of learning, possessing the power to free the individual to achieve their potential. She held up Helen Keller and her teacher Anne Sullivan Macy as a stellar example of how sensory learning had unlocked Ms. Keller’s severe limitations and produced “a woman of exceptional culture and a writer.” ²

Which am I? Aid or Obstacle?

A recent social media debate got me thinking about obstacles. The discussion focused on the question of whether withholding recess as a “natural consequence” for lack of work during work periods was appropriate or successful. The debate ran the full gamut from absolutely never (“The children who struggle to work during work-time need recess more than anyone.”) to absolutely. (“This is the only meaningful tool [to the child] in the teachers toolbox.”)

I’m not here to open up the debate. It was clear that folx came to that discussion with their minds made up and were not generally about to change much one way or the other. But I wondered if considering the obstacles present in the situation might be the key to becoming aware of how we perceive our responsibility, and ourselves, as Montessori guides facing the obstacle of the child who doesn’t work or the child who doesn’t behave respectfully.

If our task is to remove the obstacles, wouldn’t this shift our thinking to focus on what those obstacles might be for the non-working child? Using our tools of observation, wouldn’t we spend our time watching and wondering about what experience might compel that child to become engaged? And then, wouldn’t we seek to discover how we could provide that deeply moving (sensory) experience without getting in the middle of it…without being “the obstacle between the child and his experience”?

When I think of the work-play/worktime-playtime relationships, I wonder about the sensory experience the non-working child is having during worktime. What experience might be hindering the child and keeping them from engaging in work? How does the threat of missing playtime influence that engagement or lack of it? How does missing playtime influence the student’s desire to work the next day? And how does the teacher’s decision to refuse playtime influence the child’s sensory experience of their life at school? Does it have the positive outcome desired by the guide? Or does it block the student from developing their own inner drive and self-discipline?

My early years in the Montessori classroom were guided by colleagues and mentors who set the rules and taught me the ways of the various schools in which I worked during those formative years. Sometimes guidelines like “if you play during worktime, you’ll have to work during playtime” were in place with the good intentions of helping children learn to focus and manage their time and their learning. Sometimes those guidelines worked. I suppose, in those times, the guideline was an aid to the discipline of focus and not an obstacle. Or was it an aid to fear of loss or an aid to awareness of another person’s power to dominate the outcome or an aid to acceptance of a social construct of working for reward? 

In the early days, those questions didn’t cross my thoughts. In time, my teaching practice became more confident and my trust of the child to show me their need grew. I’m not sure I have yet achieved removing myself as the obstacle…how about you?

“Not words, but virtues, are her main qualifications.”

If these words were Dr. Montessori’s only directions, we teachers might feel mighty free to make up those virtues on our own. But of course, Dr. M wouldn’t leave us without some guidance, so the entire paragraph is worth a read:

The teacher nevertheless has many difficult functions to perform. Her cooperation is not all excluded, but it becomes prudent, delicate, and manifold. She does not have need of words, or energy, or severity; but she must be able to make prudent observations, to assist a child by going up to, or withdrawing from him and by speaking or keeping silence in accordance with his needs. She must acquire a moral alertness which has not hitherto been demanded by any other system, and this is revealed in her tranquility, patience, charity, and humility. Not words, but virtues, are her main qualifications.

I doubt I’d get any argument on the difficulty of our work, and I appreciate the acknowledgement that our cooperation requires careful consideration: prudence. I didn’t know, until I consulted “the google,” that prudence was once considered, in classical philosophy, as one of the four Cardinal virtues, undoubtedly something Dr. Montessori would have known as a result of her studies and the time and culture in which she lived.

The virtues of prudence, along with justice, fortitude or courage, and temperance or restraint, are woven into much of Dr. Montessori’s instructions for us teachers, especially where observation is concerned. After schooling myself with this new understanding of the vocabulary she chose in this passage, I believe I have a fuller understanding of the virtuous qualities that she requires of us would-be guides.

Still Our Virtues?

I wondered, “Do these Cardinal Virtues continue to guide our paths as 21st century Montessorians?”

I have just returned from a week-long trip in which I visited three very different and very dedicated Montessori schools in the midwest. While each of these schools did their best to practice respectful treatment of the child/student, I could feel, in the words of the guides, that their concerns for academic achievement were front and center in their minds. In their conversation and questions, it was the management of time and curriculum that permeated their thinking. The behavioral and social challenges, the very things that require exercise of those virtues, seemed not just out of reach, but nearly impossible to impact.

How could attention to the virtues held dear by Dr. Montessori, help these teachers in their day to day management of the children and their programs?

Once again, Montessori tells us…to Observe?

Why is it that Dr. Montessori always seems to return to this practice? Even in this passage concerning qualifications of the teacher, she slips this instruction right in the middle: “she must be able to make prudent observations.”

When asked about the frequency and consistency of this practice, not one of the teachers I met felt they were fully exercising this foundational practice. In a world of high-stakes value placed on specific academic success, within a distinct time-frame and applied across the board according to age, these dedicated teachers are not feeling able to manage the most important aspect of our method. None could really imagine sitting to observe for any length of time or routine consistency.

And so I offer, albeit briefly, a suggestion: Keep a tiny pad of post-it’s in your pocket (no bigger than the slim 1” x 2.5” or even the little squares) and jot down EXTREMELY brief notes of what you see throughout the day. (BTW: Be sure to include the date, time, and initials of the student on each note!) At the end of the day, you’ll have a stack of short notes to read, reflect upon, and to guide the actions you’ll choose in response to what you saw. You’ll be able to organize them in a way that will help you make informed decisions about the actions you’ll take. You’ll rest assured that your actions are based on data and informed decisions that go well beyond a recollection, an impression or a feeling. You’ll be making a real difference in the way you approach the whole child.

This method takes less time, relies on ‘facts’ more than memory, and can be shared with colleague, student and parent with confidence that your observation was not only unbiased but also reflective of more than a remembrance or an emotion.

There’s a hidden bonus, too. As you begin to manage these short, easy-to-implement observations and reflections, you may just find yourself taking a few minutes each day to actually sit and enjoy the occasional “formal observation” that has alluded you…and those virtues may creep into the forefront of your practice, too!

Wait a minute, Claudia…Why “Montessori PRACTITIONER”? Why didn’t you say Montessori teacher or Montessori guide?

That’s a great question and I’d ask you to take a look at that term: “practitioner.” By definition, a practitioner is “a person actively engaged in an art, discipline, or profession”. Well that certainly fits!  As a reader of this newsletter, you are actively developing your own art and discipline of Montessori, whether you consider it professionally or not!

And that’s why I see our work as Montessorians as a practice…an art to explore and carry out; continuously striving toward “mastery” of the discipline, but an accomplishment which will never be fully achieved.

I also see it as a practice, because there will be highs and lows, joys and tears, successes and failures, confusion and confidence. Any practice, like playing an instrument, doing yoga, or growing food or flowers, requires an ongoing desire for progress and the diligence to “truly work at it.”

That’s why I started Inspired Learning through Montessori Education. In the years since I said goodbye to working in the confines of a school, I’ve turned my attention to serving the Montessori community of practitioners, a community that includes folks from every corner of the world!

I was inspired to do this work by the trainers, coaches, and mentors who helped me along my own path from Montessori “admirer” to Montessori parent to Montessori guide and beyond. With each desire to grow more deeply into Montessori, my mentors helped me investigate the new branch on the path I was already travelling.

How are you “truly working at” knowing and understanding the Universe…the universe of Montessori education? How are you preparing yourself? What help do you need? This is why I’m here…to help you along your path.

Chances are, I’ve encountered your challenges at some point in my 35+ years of Montessori practicing.

• I’ve been the Montessori parent who wanted to know how to embrace the Montessori philosophy at home but struggled to understand some of the concepts that were foreign.
• I’ve been the “specials’ teacher who didn’t understand how to manage a group of self-directed students to pay attention to me for a 45-minute class.
• I’ve been the assistant that took all the math materials off the shelf to clean and put them back in disarray, without awareness of the order.
• I’ve experienced the incredible rigor of training, the hours of environment preparation, the challenge of students who lacked focus or resisted follow-up and the slow progress of a child with one kind of difference or another.
• I’ve been the administrator faced by angry parents and frustrated staff.
• I’ve been the school founder who wondered how we’d make payroll.

Through all these roles, I’ve faced pretty much all the highs and lows, and I promise you that I look back and say I’d never change a moment! Each of the ups or downs taught me something I have been able to pass on to the new generation of teachers and administrators who’ve crossed my path in training classes, conference workshops, or in the Demystifying Cosmic Education Mastermind.

Supporting people at all stages of their personal Montessori journey allows me to touch the future in a new way: helping those who help the children; helping those who want to understand the Universe and are truly working at it.

Thank you for being here! I’m glad to join you on your journey!

“You see things along the way and stop to look more closely.”

I had to look at his face to see if that was an acknowledgement or something else.

It was acknowledgement. Appreciation.

It was also right on.

I’m probably not the person you’d want along on a hike through the woods or at the seashore if you’re there to simply get your exercise on. Because my husband was right; I do that: Notice. Stop. Look closer. (Pick up. Examine.) Pause. Reflect. And, eventually, move on. I’m sure it’s annoying for some of my walking buddies.

But, it’s actually how I do most things, which has its down-side for sure. I’m a ponderer. A muser. (is that even a word?…Look it up…Yep! To a T.)

Being like this costs me time and attention…but I rarely miss a detail. Also, a quality that can be annoying for some and a real rabbit-hole thing that can take me off course and truly mess me up!

So, I do my best to temper these qualities and use them when they can enhance my day or my work…and put them on a shelf when focusing is needed. That can be excruciating, but necessary, if I’m going to accomplish my work.  

And that’s why I’m writing this little piece for you Montessorians out there….teachers, parents, leaders. Over the 35 years or so that I’ve been doing this work, I’ve probably run across more folks like me than those focused ones who always seem to accomplish everything on their lists.

I have this theory that we are the ones who, for one reason or another, were the daydreamers, processers, sometimes sideliners who were always thinking about some detail that no one else seemed to notice. Those details could take us off track. Make us behind. Cause us to be pulled in a direction that undermines our intentions.

And it’s probably the thing about Montessori that appeals to so many of us. It’s deep. It’s detailed. And those things are rewarding for us musers. As one of my trainers said at our graduation, “Montessori will eat you alive if you let it.”  It does…and in both good and not so good ways. So, we have to find a path that allows it to eat us alive on our own terms.

At this busy back-to-school period, when even seasoned teachers feel there isn’t enough time, I’m reading a LOT of online posts by tired teachers and parents whose exhaustion is causing them to wonder if they are doing the right thing, if they’re just not up to the task, or if it’s even worth it.

Let me say this first: IT’S WORTH IT!. But we dreamers, detailers, and ruminators, have to get a hold of ourselves. Otherwise, the shear amount of opportunity, the number of possibilities, will pull us off course and deepen our overwhelm.

So, here are those tips that help me stay on top of things…or at least keep them manageable, so I can end each day ready for the next one.   

1. Expect not to finish everything you hoped to accomplish….but praise the heck out of yourself when you accomplish any of them!
2. Prioritize your list by those things that give you some pleasure balanced by those that give you some pain. And cause you to procrastinate. Make getting to the fun stuff the motivation for completing the drudgery.
3. Stop and take breaks…at least one every hour or so…and during this break, take deep breaths, acknowledge the previous hour and recognize all the good that took place.
4. Have an end point to your “work” day and change the channel when it’s over. Do something to mark the end…even if it is to do a kitchen meditation. (I’ll save a description of that for another day!)

I do have a few little systems and mind tricks I use to keep me on track when I feel myself needing them, but, really, the four tips above help me maintain a mindset that leaves me feeling self-satisfied and ready for each and every day.

Give them a try! Develop them to suit yourself. Discipline yourself to stick with them. Then reassess and try again. It’s another new day…to stop and take a closer look. Oh, and by the way…take a look at that cool “heart-rock” over there! See, I did it again!